Sr. Michelle

Formation

Sr. Michelle

INTRODUCTION

Every human person experiences emotional and spiritual problems, but these issues in the lives of priests and Religious need more attention as we deal with many people. Especially with the youth who are living in the world which is suffering from hatred, tensions, worries and anxieties. The impact of social media has enhanced the lives of many youths, at same time destroyed the lives of others.  Many youngsters who join the priestly and religious orders come along with them the baggage of unresolved emotions. When we think of emotional problems, we think we are fine, and only others are emotionally disturbed. Actually no human person is without any emotional problems and therefore, almost all of us need psychotherapy or counseling. It is therefore necessary that we examine our emotional damages or unmet needs, and search for necessary help, so that we may be able to live a richer, fuller religious life with deep sense of self acceptance, understanding, peace and inner freedom. Keeping in mind the above thoughts I chose this topic for my dissertation.

The first chapter explains how the youth are affected by the consumeristic world. The shaping of our lives begins from our mother’s womb and some of us are affected from the conception itself. Family is important in our life, without parents we are nothing. It is they who instill in us family values and all our needs are met. When our needs are not met in our childhood it affects us in our later life. Our society also plays an important role in the lives of the youth. Adolescence is the stage when the youth is attracted to the world of consumerism, where all kind of addiction takes place, and sometimes some of the candidates come to religious houses with these addictions.

 The second chapter is focused on the challenges that are faced in the formation in context of inner child healing. There are various challenges that are faced in formation, may it be physical, psychological, emotional or spiritual. Both the formator and the formee has to face the challenges.

The third chapter throws light on the integral formation, human formation and how it will help the formators to help the formees to grow in their vocation to religious life. This chapter also helps the formator to help the formee to befriend his/her inner child through inner child therapy.

Hope therapy will help us in our formation houses, so that our formees grow emotionally and spiritually.

Chapter I

The Effect’s of Today’s Consumerist World on the ADOLESCENTS

            In the first chapter we see how the consumerist world has its effects on the youth. It affects not only the youth but also the families and society at large. In today’s world it is a fashion among the youth to get addicted to alcohol, drugs, tobacco, internet and above all the mobile phone. In our formation houses we see our candidates coming from different cultures and backgrounds. They come from a world which is full of modern technology. This also can help them to grow in their vocation, if they are not addicted to it.

We are in an era that calls for relevant living of consecrated life. This implies a change in mindset, a paradigm shift and a reading of the signs of times, which primarily involves recalling the context and its challenges. Today in religious life one of the important areas that face a lot of challenges is the formation of our recruits. The value systems that are at work in the world directly affect the motivation, formation and the inner disposition of the formees in consecrated life today. There is a need to deepen the initial formation in order for them to face a consumeristic world. It is becoming increasingly clear to us that the candidates who are with us have often little or no religious or faith formation in their families. Christian values and experiences gained in childhood help build conviction and mould authentic ways of living.

The Shaping of our Lives

As we all know the fetus lives an active emotional life in the womb from the sixth month on. In His book, The secret life of the unborn child, Dr. Thomas Verny summarizes the current data on the life of the fetus.

·         The fetus can hear, experience, and taste on a primitive level, even learn and feel from utero.

·         What the fetal child feels and perceives begins shaping his attitudes and expectations about himself. These attitudes result from the message he/she receives from mother.

·         What matters is the mother’s attitude. Chronic anxiety or wrenching ambivalence about motherhood can leave a deep scar on an unborn child’s personality. As also joy, elation and anticipation can contribute significantly to the emotional development of a healthy child.

·         The father’s feelings are also significant. How a man feels about his wife and the unborn child is one of the most important factors in determining the success of pregnancy.

Thus our lives are shaped from the beginning by our parents. After birth our self image comes from our primary caregiver’s eyes. How we see and feel about ourselves is exactly what we see in our caregiver’s eyes. How our mothering person feels about us in these earliest years is how we feel about ourselves. If our parents are shame-based and dysfunctional, they will feel inadequate and needy. In such a state they cannot be there for us. They will need us to be there for them.

            From the moment we are born, our parents, teachers or elders try to teach us a whole lot of things that never worked in their lives. They think they know everything but often they don’t know much about themselves. If they could keep their children just the way they were born- an active intelligence, no conclusions they would have been doing the best thing for them.

 The Family Needs

Like all social system a family has basic needs. The family needs, a sense of worth, a sense of physical security or productivity, a sense of intimacy and relatedness, a sense of unified structure, a sense of responsibility, joy and affirmation and a spiritual grounding. A family also needs a mother and father who are committed in a basically healthy relationship and who are secure enough to parent their children without contamination. Here is where we first learn about ourselves in the mirroring eyes of our parents, where we see ourselves for the first time, we learn about emotional intimacy, what feelings are and how to express them. When we are abused in the family, we learn to defend ourselves with ego defenses.

            We know that a social change has an important effect on the nature of the family and its relation with other social institution. Consumerism has increased the stresses of adolescence, both for parents and the young people themselves. Despite the added difficulty, however, adolescents still must master the important developmental task of adolescence: adjusting to the physical and the sexual changes of puberty, gaining autonomy from the parents and other caretakers, establishing effective social relationships with same – and complementary – sex peers, preparing for a vocation, and developing a system of values and a sense of identity.

Models of Parent – Child Interaction

            In the case of today’s adolescents, the question of what kinds of parents are most helpful involves the effects not only of the present patterns of parents –child interaction but of the history of prior interactions extending back to early child-hood. Parents may be loving or rejecting, calm or anxious, involved or uninvolved, rigid or flexible, controlling or permissive. All these qualities have been found to influence the child’s subsequent behavior and adjustment. Two major dimensions of parental behavior, responsiveness and demandingness, have consistently been identified as global indicators of the parent- child relationship that are critical to the child’s development.

Importance of Family Values in Life

            Family is the foundation on which values are built. Moral values like truthfulness, happiness, peace and justice are instilled in children’s thoughts, feelings and actions and they function as ideals and standards that govern their actions in their life. The family shapes the child’s attitude towards people and society and helps in the mental growth of the child and supports his/her ambitions and values. Loving and cheerful atmosphere in the family will develop in children love, affection, tolerance and generosity. These values and morals guide our action every time. We turn out to be good persons because of the values taught and given to us by our parents. Customs and traditions followed and taught by the family lead to disciplined and organized life. Thus, family is important in developing moral values in us. The close contact between parents and children, determines the personality of child.

           When we talk about the religious formation in the modern world, we need to see the family background of the candidates, because we see many sisters in our communities carrying the baggage of their childhood experiences of hurt feelings, anger, sexual abuse, shame and so on. Our diseases are about the things of everyday life. Our troubles are focused on what we eat, what we drink, how we work, how we pray and how we relate with each other. We stay so busy and distracted that we never feel how lonely, hurt, sad and mad we really are. The hole in our soul marks the ruins of what Auden calls ‘our ranches of isolation and our busy griefs.’ Our compulsive behavior tells us of a lost city – a place deep inside of us where a child hides in the ruins. The most important family rules are those that determine what it means to be a human being. These rules embrace the most fundamental beliefs about raising children.

            Let’s take a look at the parents in this consumeristic world of today. Due to increasing cost of living and the education of children, we see parents spending more time earning a living and less time with their children. At times both parents are working outside home just to get by financially. They become so overworked and stressed from problems at the work place that, they don’t have time or emotional energy left for their children when they come home at night. And now a day’s some parents are so addicted to mobile whatsApp, facebook and other type of media that they don’t have time for their children. These things bring loneliness, rejection, unwanted and unloved feelings in children’s heart.

Abandonment

            Abandonment is a wound that is inflicted on the child’s self, which restricts a child’s adaption capacity. There are different ways a child can be shamed such as absence of parents/siblings, sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse.

Absence of Parents and Siblings

            In childhood, a child needs to experience mother- child and father-child bonding as well as physical presence of parents and siblings in order to spend time together, to share feelings, experience warmth, and touching. If a child is deprived of these supportive experiences, he/she feels abandoned, rejected or shamed.

 Sexual Abuse

            Media has great influence on the youth especially, when they watch porn videos    they sexually abuses a child below the age of twelve to have his or her sexual         gratification. This is called phidophilea.  Also when children have no privacy to change    clothes or have a bath, they feel intimidated and abandoned, and shamed to the core.

Physical Abuse           

            “Spare the rod and spoil the child” has been quoted as Biblical justification for corporal punishment. Physical abuse is an addiction in some parents. The physically abusive parents themselves were most probably physically abused by their parents.          Physically abused children feel unwanted and abandoned.

Emotional Abuse

            Whenever emotions are denied expression, discounted or refuted, it is emotional abuse. Telling a child he/she has nothing to cry about or that what is upsetting him/her is             a small matter is to deny his/her reality. This is where the child begins to distrust his /her      own feelings and begins to look to others to determine how he/she should feel, in every situation.

            It is a primary responsibility of parents to create a proper environment at home in which children can progressively grow into maturity. This growing up in maturity and integration of children and youth belongs to the truth of the family and its vocation. Moreover, the words of Gaudium et Spes hold good in this context: “by their very nature, the institution of matrimony itself and conjugal love are ordained for the procreation and education of children and find in them their ultimate crown.” Parents need to be role models for children. They should be able to get respect from parents and gain their trust and confidence.

Impact of Consumerism on Modern Society

In today’s society consumerism is present more than ever before. A life controlled by consumerism, is implanted into our brains at an early age. There are many things that influence modern society to promote the values of consumerism. To get a sense of these influences, imagine the youth as recipients of mental inputs that enter their brain through, magazines, news paper, internet, friends and things that they have learned from books and education.

Consumerism is inappropriate for us, as it is a system that actually restricts our ability to see the choices available to us in life, make choices or put them into action. It only promotes its own view of the good life, promising to make youth happy by having more and more, rather than helping youth to see the full range of options open to them and helping them to decide for themselves what they want. It pretends that it offers choices and freedom beyond its own view of the good life. A key reason why it restricts youth so effectively is that it has become a massively powerful force, with an influence across most areas of society and our individual lives. And as it is a basic culture of our society, very few young people are able to see beyond it.

The Power of Peer Influence on Consumeristic Habits

            During the elementary school stage (ages 6–12), children face the task of industry vs. inferiority. Children begin to compare themselves with their peers to see how they measure up. They either develop a sense of pride and accomplishment in their schoolwork, sports, social activities, and family life, or they feel inferior and inadequate because they feel that they don’t measure up. If children do not learn to get along with others or have negative experiences at home or with peers, an inferiority complex might develop into adolescence and adulthood.

Many teenagers experience peer pressure either in middle school or high school. Peer pressure can be positive or negative, depending on who they hang out with. It works for the desire to be accepted. It’s the strongest motivating force during adolescence. The feelings of belonging and social acceptance are very strong at this stage of development. When the teens are searching for their identity and the concepts that they want to define themselves by, social influences and peer interaction play a huge part in this process. These two factors can help form the teen into what he/she wants to be.

Adolescence and Vocation Development

            The adolescent gradually comes to realize the numerous expectations that society has for

him /her, while, at the same time, s/he wonders more and more about his /her own role in society

as an adult. Moreover, a developing sense of an occupational identity is an important, integral need during the adolescent years. In Erik Erickson’s developmental stages identity vs role confusion we see an adolescent’s main task is developing a sense of self. Adolescents struggle with questions such as “Who am I?” and “What do I want to do with my life?” Along the way, most adolescents try on many different selves to see which ones fit; they explore various roles and ideas, set goals, and attempt to discover their “adult” selves. Adolescents who are successful at this stage have a strong sense of identity and are able to remain true to their beliefs and values in the face of problems and other people’s perspectives. When adolescents are apathetic, do not make a conscious search for identity, or are pressured to conform to their parents’ ideas for the future, they may develop a weak sense of self and experience role confusion. They will be unsure of their identity and confused about the future. Teenagers who struggle to adopt a positive role will likely struggle to “find” themselves as adults. Psychologist Milton Shore has remarked: “It is during the adolescent phase that the young person is clearly exposed to the values which are inherent in society with regard to occupations and vocations.”

            As adolescence I had difficulty in my identity vs role confusion.  The world is so attractive that any of us can easily get pulled by its attraction. At the age of 19 I had to decide about my vocation. One side the world was pulling me and on the other hand my vocation. At this time these questions came to my mind “who am I” and “what I want to be”. There was everything possible at my side which the world offered, but it was God who called me to serve him.  When we join convent or seminary, we altogether have a different life style. In the formation houses everything is systematic and according to the time table, which in the beginning candidates find difficult to adjust because they come from the modern world of technology, especially today’s youth. Whenever any corrections are given to the candidate, they don’t accept them willingly. Sometimes these corrections inflict emotional wounds in the candidate, which they carry all through life. In the past vocations were very common, but today one has to say that either God has stopped calling or youth have become selfish that they do not listen to his call. Of course there are some genuine cases where a youth “feels called” to a life of dedication and service, coming from God experience. However, uncertainty about the future, lack of job opportunities, poor economic condition at home and the comparatively comfortable life style of the religious can have an influence on the vocations which are fostered by the vocation promoters.

Social Networking and Gadget Addiction    

            Most of the youth today do not indulge in social circles, but social networking, they do not go out to play but have the play station; they do not have friends, but gadgets and most interestingly, they do not have hobbies but addiction. The gadgets these days are part of everyone’s life. From cell phones to television sets, from multimedia gaming units to simulators, everything is gadget in one form or the other and has brought the world inside one’s pocket. Most of the youth get glued to social networking websites, especially facebook. The advantages it provides are immense, and hence it has penetrated into their daily lives. But there is a flip side of it. Excessive usage per day, inferiority complex creeping in when the happening of friends and family portrayed on facebook , and feeling lonely has been cited as reasons leading to increased loneliness as the end product, addiction arising out of pleasure. Etc. “it’s possible that young adults who initially felt socially isolated turned to social media, or it could be that their increased use of social media somehow led to feeling from the real world.”  In our communities we see some of the members especially the young sisters or fathers glued in mobile phones that they don’t have time to talk to others. They feel lonely and take the help of either mobile or television which gives them satisfaction. They isolate themselves from others. And for this reason it is necessary that the candidates are screened thoroughly during their initial stages.

            While concluding this chapter we can say that the worldview of consumerism has become the controlling principle of culture and public life in the western world and in India. It is very difficult therefore to question or escape from this worldview, even if one feels strongly that something is wrong with one’s life within it. This is particularly difficult when consumerism claims to be able to meet all our needs, because it leads to self-doubt and confusion about our identity, happiness and life direction which is painful to experience and which, for many people, is never resolved.

            The candidates of today are more at home with audio – visual culture and therefore values of silence, recollection, study, reading, etc are very hard to practice. They also lack the inner psychological and spiritual stamina to face criticism, failure, emotional and physical stress and therefore they easily get into moods and discouragement. It is the duty of the formator to help the formees to overcome the difficulties of this consumeristic world.

            The adolescent gradually comes to realize the numerous expectations that society has for him /her, while, at the same time, s/he wonders more and more about his /her own role in society as an adult. Moreover, a developing sense of an occupational identity is an important, integral need during the adolescent years. In Erik Erickson’s developmental stages identity vs role confusion we see an adolescent’s main task is developing a sense of self. Adolescents struggle with questions such as “Who am I?” and “What do I want to do with my life?” Along the way, most adolescents try on many different selves to see which ones fit; they explore

Chapter II

Challenges Faced In the Formation

Formation in general is the human response to the divine vocation to unfold oneself. Though we speak of formation in the context of priestly and Religious life, formation is primarily received from family and society. Today more than ever before, both education and human resource development are considered to be the continuation of human formation that began in the cradle itself. Whether one forms oneself, or is under formation in view of fulfilling a mission, it would be helpful to understand the theological foundation of formation itself. Our formation is like the craftsman in ancient times, sitting next to the molten gold in a crucible being stirred and skimmed to remove the impurities or dross that rose to the top of the molten metal, So that it becomes pure gold.

Likewise, the challenges of Religious life should have a positive outlook as they become seeds for something new. In our religious formation houses most of the candidates come with unresolved emotions, of which some are not even aware. The Formator is like a craftsman who helps the formee to remove the impurities which hinders his/hers vocation, and thus helps the formee to discern his/her vocation.

 However, the challenges are so complex at times that the very purpose of formation-to enable the candidates to freely respond to God’s call with courage and generosity is defeated or re-challenged. Some of these challenges that are faced in formation do affect the concerted efforts made by the formators and even the holy spirit, who is the first formator. Therefore it is imperative to identify these challenges so that both the formator and the formees are in a realistic position to handle them with practical and effective measures and the formees may be helped to meet these challenges adequately as they are closely linked with the call of God.

       Challenges in context of Inner Child Healing in the Formation

These challenges can be classified in three levels, viz., Intra-personal challenges, Inter-personal challenges, Environmental challenges.

Intra-personal Challenges

Lack of quest for God

            It is a fundamental challenge. One of the essential qualities of a candidate to religious life is a burning inner desire to encounter the Lord.   The quest of  Zaccheus (Lk. 19: 1-10). In our Indian context, a priest/Religious will have credibility if he/she comes across as being man/woman of God. It is this quest for God that will enable a person to develop self-transcendence, i.e. to God. To develop transcendence one needs to be open and transparent towards God, self and others. This should further develop immanence so as to be honest with oneself, the ability to discern and the movements within. Very often we find that this “quest for God” is a great lack in the candidates. Hence, one of the fundamental challenges that need to be constantly developed is transcendence, transparency and immanence. When self-transcendence is lacking in one’s life, the formee very often ends up in disappointment.

Lack of self awareness

            The ‘self’ is the core of every human being. Self awareness is the knowledge about oneself as human individual. Individuals with a strong sense of self awareness can be autonomous. They can be sure where they are strong and where they are weak and need to change. Through self awareness we become aware of our uniqueness, identity, worth, values and behavior patterns. (Rulla L.M. depth psychology and vocation), self awareness  is a constant and continuous process, as it helps to keep in touch with oneself, others, and the environment in  one’s life and one will specially be aware of the divine reality within. This aspect of self awareness is very much lacking in the candidates and as a result some keep brooding over the past and fantasizing about the future which takes a lot of their time while in initial formation. During the time of initial formation the formator has to be alert and help the formee to deal with loneliness, boredom, discouragement, anxiety, anger, guilt, shame etc.

Lack of Self-Acceptance and Self Image

            It is only when the person is aware of oneself, it can lead him/her to genuine self- knowledge and self acceptance. Each of us has our positive and negative side of our personality. Unless a person is aware and accepts especially the shadow side, it can sometimes lead the person to reject one’s self image. This can lead the person to anger and rebellion. The formator should help the formee  to handle his/her self image and self worth. In our formation houses we see number of person with a low self esteem. As a result they feel rejected and show dissatisfaction and discouragement.

Dependency and Lack of Capacity to be Alone

            A low self image very often makes the person dependent. Such a person looks most of the time to others for help. This makes the person not only lean on others but also manifests an inability to be alone or be self confident. In order to be healthy and mature Religious, the formees should have the ability to be separated from loved ones and be available for prayers and service.

Lack of Motivation

            Motivation is a conscious experience or subconscious condition, which serves as the main factor in determining an individual’s behavior (D.Katz, functions of motivation). It is a psychological force which disposes a person to act in a certain way. It is an inner urge that is capable of moving the person either to fulfill one’s unconscious need or to defend one’s hidden agenda or threat to one’s self-worth. Four areas of motivation need to be checked in the initial stages of formation such as spirituality, intelligence, emotional stability and capacity for effective interpersonal relationship.

Inter-Personal Challenges

These are the challenges that arise from interpersonal interactions: mainly when the candidates are from the same place or same culture; between the formees and the formator, and the lay persons they interact with. A good and healthy relationship will help the formee to grow in healthy maturity which will help to remove the masks and immature defenses and be open and genuine. The following challenges are significant.

Attachment and Intimacy

There could be too much ‘attachment’ between certain formees that excludes others, bringing problems not only for themselves but also for others in formation. Formees who are immature or do not have an adequate understanding of intimate relationships and the necessary maturity to deal with them, get into problems and conflicts. Consequently, we need a formation that is capable of taking account of all the fundamental dimension of the formees(human, spiritual, intellectual, social and pastoral) without neglecting the dimension of affective and sexual maturity at the interpersonal level. What is important is that, the formators are well prepared and balanced, and possess the evangelical and inner freedom that enables them to witness in their lives the goodness of the values they are called to proclaim.

Groupism and Competition

Basically, friendship among the formees is good but it can degenerate into groupism especially when this groupism is based on caste, class, culture, language etc. A formator has to be careful while dealing with the formees by not favoring some; it may become damaging and harmful. At times unhealthy competition among the formees can surface with an envious attitude and this can be very destructive to formation.

Lack of Relationship between the Formator and the Formees

            Formation can take place only in the context of genuine and authentic relationship between the formator and the formee. There are difficulties sometimes to build a good relationship: that is lack of congruence and authenticity, lack of unconditional positive regard, and lack of empathetic understanding.

Environmental Challenges

Lack of Qualified and Committed Formators

      The quality of the formation depends on the quality and the dedication of the formator. Many formators shows single minded-minded dedication to the work of formation. Lack of role models, lack of value system and priorities, globalization and other viable options available for the youth at the present day, are some of the other important environmental challenges in the present day formation.

The Selection of the Formees

            The selection of the candidate with genuine motivation and real love for the religious life is of great importance. Many formators do screening, psychological testing, and personality evaluation, while others use the good practice of interviews by a team of experienced persons. For an integral formation, the size of the group matters. If the number of formees is limited, the chances are better that the formees get individual attention and accompaniment.

The Family Background

            Many candidates come with unresolved emotions from dysfunctional families, authoritarian discipline, excessive affection, marital discord and violence, painful experiences of addiction to alcohol, drugs, domestic violence and even sexual abuse at home. Sibling rivalry and related conflicted family situations contribute to a great extent to the inter-personal challenges the candidates face today.

            Many of us or almost all of us carry unresolved baggage of  “fears, phobias and issues’  from the past. Such traumatic experiences can make an appearance in our future relationships in a negative way. It is important for us to be aware of the emotional baggage that we bring from childhood into our adult life and to religious life.

Unresolved Emotional Baggage of the Past

“Emotional Baggage” is a general term used to refer to the unresolved emotional issues, usually relating to interpersonal relationships, that one has not been able to grow out of. The image of “baggage” is based on the notion that an individual carries these past emotional issues around through different stages of one’s life, much as traveler carries physical baggage. Emotional baggage often causes inability to find comfort and satisfaction in relationships. Past disappointments or traumatic experiences, even those that occurred many years before, can lead to discomfort and insecurity as they are carried around unresolved.

To become mature means that we get reconciled to our past wounds. All have suffered offences, wounds, and difficulties. Our own parents might have been quite well meaning in their dealings with us; yet they might have inflicted wounds on us as children. These wounds can paralyze our thoughts and feelings. Often we want to keep our wounds and problems well within ourselves. We do not want them to be noticed by others. They give us a feeling of inferiority, of weakness, which do not tally with the ideal of religious life.

Often we see that some of our candidates unconsciously go back to their past wounds and take pleasure in them by bringing back those wounds to their minds, by brooding over them, keeping them alive, blaming others who caused those wounds and by putting oneself over the others. A person who carries within deep wounds and painful feelings of having been misunderstood or not loved, will suffer the danger of looking for the ideal father or mother all through his/her life. The past wounds carry within them innumerable treasures and powers. They can become a source of sensitivity, of liveliness, when we are ready to forgive and reconcile with ourselves and with others.

Self Esteem

One of the unresolved wounds of the past is low self esteem, which has been put into us by others. In formation houses we come across candidates who go about saying, ‘no one likes me’, ‘I can never hope to achieve what I desire’, ‘I am not worthy’, etc. In fact their life becomes self defeating. A low self image is one of the worst punishments we inflict on ourselves. It creates in us self consciousness, timidity, over-sensitivity, feeling of rejection, inability to make decision. There are also other signs of low self image where we see candidates’ self- defeating drives to be perfect, to seek attention, to withdraw into oneself and aggressiveness. A low self image and existence of past wounds go together.

Childhood Shaming Experiences

Shame has its roots in our early childhood and its branches in our adulthood. Shame is a feeling we experience when we displease adults or people whom we love in our early childhood. There is healthy shame and unhealthy shame.

Ø  Healthy shame: Shame is a normal human emotion. Healthy shame is the psychological foundation of humility, which is necessary for spiritual growth. In healthy shame, there is healthy interpersonal bond between parents and children, it helps us to become goal oriented and focused in our lives.

Ø  Unhealthy shame: A child develops unhealthy shame when his/her behavior is disapproved by parents. In unhealthy shame the bond between child and parents is broken. It often includes fear, confusion, guilt, rage, and indifference. Shame is a characteristic of dysfunctional families, such as addictive families, where parents are addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling etc. There are other ways through which we can be shamed such as;

i.            Absence of parents and siblings

A child needs to experience mother-child and father-child bonding as well as the physical presence of parents and siblings in order to spend time together, to share feelings, experience and warmth. If the child is deprived of these experiences, he/she feels rejected or shamed.

ii.            Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is where an adult uses a child below the age of 18 to have his/her sexual gratification. Sexual abuse causes one of the unhealthy shames. Children are victimized in sexual activities like masturbation, oral sex etc by the abuser. In all these situations the child feels intimidated, abandoned and shamed.

iii.            Physical abuse

Physical abuse of children is an addiction in some parents. Some people have their physical scar till they die. Physically abuse children feel unwanted, abandoned and shamed.

iv.            Emotional abuse

            Whenever emotions are denied expression, discounted or refuted, it is emotional abuse. Often parents tell boys not to cry. This is where the child distrust his/her own feelings and begins to look to others to determine how he/she should feel in every situation.

Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity would imply the ability to deal constructively with reality; the capacity to adapt to change, the relative freedom from tensions and anxieties. Maturity implies also the capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than in receiving, to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness; and finally the capacity to direct one’s instinctive hostile energy to creative and constructive outlets and above all to love. Psychologists point out various stages of emotional maturity. Such people think their emotional states as caused by external forces such as people, places, things, fate and so on. They use such expressions like ‘they made me feel bad,’ ‘fate was at work there’ and so on. In such expressions, we see how we place the responsibility of our emotions on others. The first stage of maturity would mean that I take responsibility for my emotions. For example I would say, ‘I feel mad when you don’t talk to me’. From there we can go to another stage and say, ‘I choose to get mad when you don’t talk to me’. In this case, my act of choosing my feeling puts responsibility on myself.

All the emotions and feelings we’ve experienced since the day we were born didn’t magically disappear into thin air. They’ve been housed inside us, deep inside us. There are layers and layers of unresolved emotions and feelings inside of us that want to get out. They want their due time to be processed. They want us to feel them, sit with them a while and finally be recognized.

Transparency in Religious Formation

Today’s religious understand quite well that appropriate self-disclosure is a key ingredient to a healthy and happy life, no matter what one’s vocation. There is no friendship, no love, no genuine connection with others, and no emotional intimacy without vulnerability. Of course, that doesn’t necessarily make the project of progressive self-disclosure any easier Religious know they are in a fish bowl. Theirs is an environment of constant evaluation. Trust is difficult. Transparency in the formation environment obviously carries with it many risks. The religious formators are human instruments, with their own weaknesses and imperfections. To open up to a formator –mentor, baring one’s own imperfections, talking about one’s struggle, sharing  one’s  weaknesses, opening oneself to advice and guidance, all carry the risk of being hurt somehow. Will the formator really understand? Or do I fear being forced to look squarely at a real on-going area of struggle in my life.

A danger in religious formation is that the candidates might have a long history of shielding themselves from their own wounds, or at least of convincing themselves that they have already adequately dealt with those issues, when the truth might be quite the opposite. The candidates have a positive moral obligation to make themselves known inside and out, during the course of formation, with a degrees of self-disclosure to both spiritual director, and to the formation team.

The Fruits of Transparency: Interior Freedom and Healing

Transparency engenders interior harmony. The candidate experiences the peace and equilibrium of interior consistency. Transparency is liberating, and it can fuel and empower a candidate to respond with a maximum degree of interior freedom, peace, and serenity as he/she seeks continued clarity on God’s plan for his/her life. Consistent transparency with the formators affords the candidate a privileged shares in the peace and joy that flow from “doing the truth in love” (Eph 4:15). Such transparency opens a pathway to the healing that most candidates need.  The Divine Physician expects us to avail of the means he gives us to seek, ever deeper and more mature, psychological and human integration, personal wholeness and healing.

Challenges Faced in Discerning Vocation

The vocational discernment precisely signifies this: to help the candidates to understand not so much “what to do” but how to place themselves before God; to place themselves in a situation more favorable to discover what God wants from them. This pre-supposes, in those who help the candidates discern their religious vocation, a profound knowledge of the church, together with solid theological principles; adequate knowledge of psychology and illumined prudence. The two types of discernment which the formator uses to discern the vocation of the candidates are spiritual and the psychological..

Spiritual Discernment: It is to help the candidates to solidify their proper option for life, free them from a wavering mind and not to seek a temporary solution. This signifies that the attention of the candidates must turn to God, to their own strengths and failures, their experienced values and on the real capacity of living them. Spiritual discernment provides a basis for renewal of life. Cardinal Newman says, “to grow is to change and to be perfect is to have changed often”.

Psychological Discernment: It can be achieved by having recourse to specialists before whom the candidates allow themselves to be led into their conscious and unconscious motivation behind the choice. The psychologist should be one who knows to respect the elements of faith and religious vocation. It is important to make clear that the psychological methods are only complementary to the “classical” methods of discernment.

The primary goal of personality assessment of candidates is to identify those who are already emotionally disturbed or who are likely later on, under situations of stress, to suffer serious emotional difficulties. The main task of the formator in the selection process is to see the implications of the past on current behavior. S/he can also speak about the strengths and weaknesses of the candidates and focus on key formation issues. For example a candidate may have the disorder of kleptomania. The formator identifies this and may get the help of a psychologist, so that s/he may avoid further harm to those around him/her. Also a Formator can go back to his/her family history to know the root cause of the disorder.

How does psychology as a science help in the discernment of vocation?

·         First of all, to get a profound knowledge of the basic nature of the candidates, to understand a person as he/she is. We have to take into account the temperament, character, basic incapacities and grave signs of contra-indications.

·         Secondly we need to find out the aptitudes and motivations of a candidate, and not so much her religious vocation, because religious vocation is a divine call and psychology is a human science and no human science can grasp in depth the divine elements of divine vocation.

Therefore it could be said that psychological discernment helps to free oneself from personal need.

In conclusion we can say that the challenges that we are facing in the formation of the candidates helps them  to grow in their vocation ,and also helps them to know themselves better by unfolding their unresolved emotions. A perfect formation is the masterpiece of our liberty. One is not” formed”, one “forms oneself “; not” lifted up”, for one “lifts oneself up.” A soul is not educated as a block of marble is hewn or clay molded.

Every formation is to a large extent personal effort, although others can help in it from the outside.  The principle moral responsibility for it rests with each individual.

It would be well, we think, often to remind young religious of this responsibility. Each “formee”, in the event of success or failure, can primarily congratulate or blame oneself.

One acts by oneself and on oneself , for this activity of the powers within us ends by producing our personality , which must be truly be developed and brought progressively to its human perfection leading to the Divine . Formation is a work of life and an expansion of life. But all life implies growth through positive action. Anyone who is no longer acting is no longer living, and anyone who is no longer living is radically incapable of formation. We cannot educate the dead. To form oneself is to act, for action-when it is ought to be generates a richer life.

Chapter III

A Formation Pedagogy for Formators

The ministry of formation today is not very appealing to many priests and religious. Formation is not merely teaching or giving information. It is to become a role model to the young. The religious institutes and the church have affirmed and even insisted on the priority of selecting and preparing quality and qualified formators. Formation to religious life has always been esteemed as a particularly graced period. Thus, the church and the religious institutes make a special provision to ensure that those in formation and their formators are not burdened or distracted with tasks and responsibilities  unrelated to the goals of the formation period.

The personal accompaniment of the candidates by the formator is very important in their inward journey at all stages of formation and on regular basis, so as to help them to integrate the various dimensions of their personality. This will transform his/her mind set, an attitudinal change takes place in the life of the candidate, he/she becomes pliable like the clay in the hands of the potter. Formation takes place primarily by the transformative action of the Holy Spirit through the creative instrumentality of the formators. Keeping in mind this fact, the third chapter which is entitled as “A Formation Pedagogy for Formators” is prepared, so that it could be a useful tool for them in their formation ministry.

A New Pedagogy for Integral Formation

The Christian Anthropological Foundations for the new pedagogy. Intrinsic relationship between holiness and wholeness is built following the principle of “grace is built on nature and grace which perfects nature.” It is important to realize the intrinsic relationship between ‘holiness’ (grace) and ‘wholeness’ (nature). The parable of the sower in the synoptic gospels, (Mt 13:1-9, Mk 4:19, Lk 8:4-8, 11-15) clearly points to the intrinsic relationship between the seed, the word of God, the grace (holiness) (Mathias, 2011) and the soil, the nature , the inner dispositions of the human person. The fruitfulness of the seed would very much depend on the nature of the soil. Hence priest and religious who by his/her vocation and mission is the medium and message to God’s people in so far he/she embodies the qualities of the heart and mind of Christ whom he/she represents here on earth. The healthier or wholesome the nature greater the possibility for the personality of the person to assimilate God’s grace and transmit it or mediate it in and through all  his/her functions, be it liturgical, pastoral, or relational . And if the nature of the person is sick, there will be a lot of obstacles for grace to penetrate the nature and transform it. For example, if the person suffers from deep sense of rejection due to which he/she is very sensitive to remarks and criticism, he/she will have serious problems in the interpersonal relationships and will have difficulties in experiencing the unconditional love of God in his/her spiritual life.

Secondly the identity of candidate is based on the moral and spiritual integrity. Moral and spiritual integrity is nothing but a full blossoming of a human person through the habitual practice of virtues, for example: transparency, honesty, authenticity, love, compassion, service, generosity, forgiveness, etc, gives strength to one’s character and builds one’s character. In the absence of a sound character, the person will tend to take refuge in his talents, skills, power position, and this temperament will have greater control over the person. It is a big challenge to live in today’s globalized and consumaristic world. The identity and holiness of  candidate requires constant support from the practice of virtues expected from man /woman of God. It is a great concern for the existing formation, that it lacks an effective pedagogy that could progressively result into moral and spiritual integrity in the candidates to priesthood and religious life. It appears that there is a greater emphasis on academic formation and acquiring of pastoral skills, following of certain rituals and exercises of piety but little stress on cultivating affective maturity, spiritual maturity and sexual maturity is placed. In my own formation more stress was given on academics than on spiritual and other formation. Moreover in this world of consumerism much more attention should be given to these areas especially emotional maturity because the candidates come with their unresolved emotions. Therefore vocation promotion, faith formation, formation of the candidates to priesthood and religious life in its present form need to be tailored to the needs of today’s generation.

The Goal of Formation

The fundamental task of the formators is the accompaniment of those entering religious life. This accompaniment includes teaching, guiding and challenging. The most important thing to see during the accompaniment is that to see the growth of the formee in all dimensions, which is physiological, intellectual, spiritual and psychological dimensions. Such task assumes the formators “know the world of the young” and are “very familiar with the path of seeking God.” This should be the goal of formation.

By the quality of their personal life, formators must be, first of all, “men and women of God.” They must be “respectful discerners of the human heart and the ways of the spirit.” The principles of formation to religious life cannot be applied like a spray on a piece of furniture; they must be seen to the rich diversity of individual personalities, perspectives and preferences. The formator must be capable of responding to the needs of those who are in formation for greater interiority, experience of God, and initiation to their mission. And for this purpose the growth of the formees is very necessary, that is cognitive growth, spiritual growth, emotional ve stability and affective maturity. The Formators should pay more attention to this areas of the formees.

Cognitive Growth

  Intellectual formation of candidates to the priesthood or religious life aims at widening their vision of God, world and man. Intellectual formation has its own characteristics but it is also deeply connected with, and indeed can be seen as necessary expression of both human and spiritual formation. All the more should candidates for the priesthood and religious life have delight care of the quality of their intellectual formation in their education and pastoral activity.  To be pastorally effective, intellectual formation is to be integrated with a spirituality marked by a personal experience of God. Intellectual formation should enable the formees ‘to look beyond’ and to communicate the mystery of God to the people. If the intellectual formation does not create a vision of faith in the formees, then it will be futile exercise. For the candidate to the religious life intellectual formation is not mere information gathering; rather it should help him/her in his/her human formation and finally enable him/her to be transformed into another Christ. We must ask seriously how much of this purpose of formation is served by the intellectual formation.

Spiritual Growth

Spirituality, in general, refers to the search for meaning in life and the development of one's values and belief system.

Spirituality describes the transcendental relationship between the person and a Higher Being, a quality that goes beyond a specific religious affiliation (Peterson & Nelson, 1987).

The spiritual connection with god grows in the early years of life when the child’s faith is nourished, as evident in many saints: the child is open to a multitude of influences in the spiritual realm, both positive and negative, e.g. the faith of the parents and of the community or the parents’ sins and rejection of God. The mother’s response to her pregnancy and birth of the child (joys, hopes, disappointment, fears, anger, rejection….) is part of her child’s beginning spiritual experience with psychophysical impact. The child experiences the grace of acceptance or the wounds of rejection and abandonment and ends up with the feeling of belonging or not –belonging. The negative impact leaves a wound in the child. This may eventually affect the child’s primary relationship with god. And this brokenness is the baggage that is carried by some of our candidates of which some of them are unaware. Therefore the formators in all their kindness should see the growth of the candidates spiritually

Emotional stability

Psychological maturity can be dated fairly accurately from the point at which certain processes can be recognized by the individual. The first of these is the point where emotional control has been established. This does not occur suddenly but is along an arduous process. The second characteristics of maturity are the acceptance of responsibility for one’s own acts to the limits of their foreseeable consequences.  The third is realization by the individual of his/her autonomy, of his/her uniqueness as a person.

The notion of control is the point where one can experience an appropriate emotion in appropriate degree such that one’s behavior determines one’s emotions and not the other way around. As long as emotions determine our behavior we are behaving in a very immature way. The adolescent tries to handle emotions by repression or suppression. Neither of these is the same as control. Control of emotion is high level activity indeed.

The appropriate expression of emotion is an important aspect of psychological formation. The mature adult understands and accepts his/her emotions and learns to express in ways that are at once socially acceptable and personally satisfying. His/her broader and more realistic perspective makes him/her less subject to the unpleasant emotions of fear, anger, hostility, than a child is. But when emotional tension arises, he/she knows how to recognize them and how to deal with them constructively by channeling their expression, rather than by suppressing them.

Emotions play vital role in the life and activities of a person. Emotional stability is one of the requirements for religious life. Thus the candidates should be mature, well integrated, capable of maintaining good control over his/her feelings and desires, and be able to face conflicts of opposition that comes his/her way.

Affective Maturity

Man is an emotional being, capable of experiencing various types of pleasant and unpleasant emotions like joy, affection, love, anger, fear, sadness, etc. It is in fact emotions that make human life truly alive and colorful by rendering sweet, warm, enjoyable, or bitter, restless, depressing, etc. Many personal and social problems also arise from inadequate or poor management of emotions. This is a very important reason for the future priest and religious to acquire good emotional maturity and management of time and talents. During this formation, the formees shall strive to grow in emotional integration, particularly through interpersonal interactions, relationships, sufficient self-awareness and guidance. Affective maturity presupposes the awareness that love has a central role in human life. It is at the heart of relationships, friendships, love, sexuality and celibacy. Education for responsible love is absolutely necessary for those who are called to a life of celibacy. PDV describes affective maturity, which is the result of an education in true and responsible love, as a significant and decisive factor in the formation of candidates for the priesthood or religious life. Affective maturity is the capacity to manage emotions constructively and smoothly. It requires awareness about one’s emotions, especially negative ones, due appreciation and acceptance of them as part of self and the ability to control them reasonably. Many of the pastoral problems arise due to the mismanagement of emotions. Emotional maturity is best achieved through healthy interpersonal interaction. This requires an open, mutually accepting and caring community with due guidance. A closed, rigid or unconcerned community hinders it; it fosters repression, denial, shyness or displacement of emotions, blocking integration. Formees need to be enlightened and guided about all these and it should begin in the first stage of formation. Therefore the formator should help the formee to grow in affective maturity.

Human Formation of the Formee

Spiritual formation of formees cannot take place unless their human formation is in place. A human person is a complex entity consisting physiological, psychological and spiritual levels. In these changing times of the third millennium, the need for human formation for an integrated personality is all the more basic necessity, especially in context of religious responsibility to respond to the demands of building humane society, and helping people to realize the values of the kingdom of God.

Human formation is a process which results in a mature, well integrated person who is able to actualize his/her own potentialities and simultaneously contribute to the welfare of the society. Genuine formation is holistic, helping a person to integrate all dimensions of his/her life and personality. A well-integrated person will be intellectually free and open to new approaches to reality; he/she will be emotionally free to relate to both men and women with openness, trust and love; and he/she will be spiritually free to do the will of God in all circumstance. The human touch of a priest has special relevance for his ministry as well. In order that his/her ministry may be humanly as credible and acceptable as possible, it is important that the formee should mould his/her own personality in such a way that it becomes a bridge and not an obstacle for others in their meeting with Jesus Christ the Redeemer . The human formation is a gradual and lifelong process. In this process, the formee is active agent and subject, not a passive object. For this formee should learn to know, accept and respect himself/herself with all his/her strengths and weaknesses. Regarding this PDV states: The future priest should therefore, cultivate a series of human qualities, not only out of proper growth and realization of self, but also with a view to the ministry. These qualities are needed for them to be balanced people, strong and free, capable of bearing the weight of pastoral responsibilities. They need to be educated to love the truth, to be loyal, to respect every person, to have a sense of justice, to be true to their words, to be genuinely compassionate. The capacity to relate to others is of special importance for a man/woman of communion, He/she should not be quarrelsome, but affable, hospitable, sincere in his/her words and heart, prudent and discreet, generous and service-minded, quick to understand, forgive and console.  A healthy community life, where there is an atmosphere of responsible freedom, is very helpful for integral growth and human formation. There are many aspects that are to be taken care for an integrated formation.

Development of Personality

            Development of the personality leads to the realization of self. It is in the measure that one’s potentialities are realized that one truly becomes an adult personality. The human person is complex composite with many requirements for growth and development. The body and soul have several needs to be satisfied in order to be integrated and to advance in the perfection towards what nature has destined for him/her. S/he passes through ordinary states of developments in becoming an adult. During the process of development s/he finds himself/herself with hidden innate dislike of self because of the inability to measure up to an idealized self image.

The formator can very often make a mistake of taking external behavior pattern for a good personality. However any person can wear masks and can masquerade to be what the person is not. In many of the cases formators are helpless because it is not easy to understand the true nature of the person within a short period of time or rather long time. The fact is that the person will not be able to proceed on the long run by masquerading all the time. Sooner or later it will be seen.

            Taking care of the psychological aspects of formation the young religious acquire a healthy sense of self worth. Through the self, the candidate becomes aware of his/her uniqueness, identity and worth. The self enables the candidate to perceive reality in a certain manner. Self formulates the candidate’s values and shapes his/her attitudes toward life.

Self Awareness

For the first time when the candidate is living in a group he/she will become aware of himself/herself in relation to others. He/she needs to be helped in this self awareness. It is through the experiences of the self that we discover both the riches and the poverty of our human state. Unless we are present to the self we could never be present to others. Unless we accept the reality that the self is pivotal point of all communication our relationship with God and with our fellow being remains hollow, empty, devoid of meaning and joy.

The wholeness of personality is possible only when the individual is fully aware of the present to self. Search unto oneself is often a strenuous and painful task because it is a life long struggle to understand oneself fully and secondly it is painful because the more the one become aware of one’s self it is painful understanding that this is the way I am. This feeling can overcome only when one learns to accept what one is. S/he must see the positive and negative aspects and help him/her to accept both. Thus a good community life experience can help the formee to become aware of one’s own self during the time of formation for greater part of self awareness in relationship with others.

Right Motivation

The vocations we receive today are from the world where there is a paradigm shift. Candidates may not have strong faith. There are also boys/girls from dysfunctional families, who suffer from wounds caused by inadequate parenting. It is, therefore necessary to scrutinize the role of values and attitudes in an individual’s dynamics, as in some cases personal ideals are camouflaged by unconscious personal attitudes. Administrating the psychological test with deep respect for the individual dignity as a person will increase his/her to internalize vocational values.

Motivation is generated by the person’s hierarchy of values of life orientation which in turn is influenced by his/her heredity and a variety of environmental forces including parents and significant adults. Hence there is a need for psychological formation. However complex the human motivation may be it is possible to study the principle factors involved in the development and choice of vocation and relate them to expect spiritually oriented motivation that forms the basis for a deep rooted and genuine piety. In light of psychology, motivation of the individual can be purified. In examining the motivation of the candidate, attention should be paid to the psychodynamics of his personality, for what appears as a virtue may actually be a neurosis, a function of a personality disorder or even psychiatric manifestation.

A Formation that Builds the Individual’s Capacity for Spiritual Growth

Formators need to take into account the person’s capacity to internalize natural, moral and religious values at a Theo-centric self-transcendent level, where the objective good is sought out of Theo-centric love. The higher degree of self control in the mature self facilities the effective use of the energies and gifts put at ones disposal through grace. The formators need to be more attentive to follow up the formees so that they give more priority to their ‘effective freedom’ rather than mere ‘essential freedom’ while imbibing their spiritual identity. Depth oriented spirituality will note that human beings are essentially free in as much as possible, courses of action are grasped by practical insights. Lonergan contends that ‘effective freedom’ is present when ‘essential freedom’ is exercised as a choice among various alternatives and possible actions. (Lonergan, 1958). Such a capacity to make choices at the spiritual realm, the formee need to have a qualitative change in motivating oneself from self fulfilling values, towards objective self-transcendent spiritual values at the theo-centric level.          

Healing Techniques

Among the candidates can be found some who come from particular experience - human, family, professional, intellectual or affective- which, in various ways, have left psychological wounds, that are not yet healed and that cause disturbances. These wounds, unknown to the candidate in their real effects, are often erroneously attributed by him/her to causes outside himself/herself, thus depriving him/her of the possibility of facing them adequately (Pope John Paul II, 1988). It is clear that the above mentioned issues can limit the candidate’s capacity for making progress on the path of formation towards religious life. Therefore it is necessary for the formator to help the formees to know his/her true self in order to know who he/she was as child. This requires an inner journey into his/her own inner life. The purpose of making this inner journey is to rediscover his/her true self. This rediscovery of true self is nothing but regaining his/her contact with the Divine Spirit within himself/herself, as well as to come in touch with his/her unmet needs of early childhood, that is to know the reality of his/her woundedness, the source of our emotional problems and spiritual deficits. In order to enhance the growth of the formees, formators need to have the knowledge in psychology and must have inner child therapies and healing sessions in the formation houses.

Healing Techniques to Rediscover Formee’s Original Innocence

No matter how big or small, almost all of us experienced some kind of trauma as children. These traumas could vary from having his/her favorite stuffed toy thrown in the trash, to being abandoned by your best childhood friend, to being physically or emotionally abused by his/her parents. Inner Child therapy is one of the best healing therapy used world wide.

Inner Child Therapy

Many of the client’s negative feelings and unhealthy behavior might have come from the unhealthy and unpleasant experiences in the childhood. The inner child in the person might have been contaminated or spoiled by the ill treatment received in childhood. Inner child therapy is to set the inner child free from bondages, conflicts and hurts. The child may need reparenting. The therapy aims at reclaiming the child, renurturing and reparenting it helping it to grow into an integrated person. In therapy, the inner child is asked to recall the painful and negative experiences it had in childhood, work it out and have reparenting with positive experiences. The inner parent is asked to do this growth promoting reparenting to the child. Various techniques can be adopted to facilitate the encounter between the inner parent and the inner child. The fear and anger in the child are to be replaced by confidence and resourcefulness.

Reparenting

The inner child might be contaminated by the faulty and unhealthy parenting he/she received in his/her childhood. That might be the reason why he/she is an unhappy, reserved, withdrawn or reckless and insensitive person he/she is at present. If so, one can reparent one’s inner child now. The person him/herself is the best and ideal parent to reparent and renurture his/her inner child.

Call back your inner child in fantasy and ask him/her to express him/herself freely without any fear. He/she may express his/her pent up feelings, fear, frustration, hurt, grief, etc. The vulnerable part of the child, which is weak, fragile, tired, exhausted, hurt, shy, frightened, angry or resenting, should be handled with care. Allow the inner child to express his/her anger in a harmless way. Let him/her act it out on some neutral objects like a pillow, ball, or balloon or stone etc. Ask him/her to find out an object in mind as the sole object of his/her anger and let him/her beat it, smash it, and crush it. Or again give him/her a rough paper and color chalks and allow him/her to scribble as hard and speedy as possible. Anger can thus be acted out, spent off and melted away. Hurt feelings can be melted away by talking to somebody, probably your nurturing parent who can listen and understand you empathetically. Weeping and crying in tears may help a lot to get rid of the pent up feelings. Hatred and resentment are to be worked out. Forgiveness is the best medicine.

Tools for Repairing

Loving Your Lost Inner Child – This is done in fantasy or meditation. You sit comfortably and relax. In fantasy you go to your native place where you were born and brought up, see the house in which you lived as a child. Watch the surroundings and the house. See a small child coming out of the front door. Take him/her for your inner child and introduce yourself as his/her loving and nurturing parent. If the child is free with you, walk with him/her, embrace him/her, appreciate him/her, and encourage him/her. If he/she is scared of you, leave him/her at the house and promise to visit him/her some other day. If the child trusts you visit him/her regularly for a few days enjoying the company of each other. Go for a sightseeing tour with the child explaining things to the child satisfying his/her curiosity and listening to his/her complaints. Leave him/her safe and secure at home as you depart. When you complete the visit, say a word of pleasant farewell and promise to see next day. Then you gradually become aware of yourself, your breathing, your limbs, and the whole body. Thus your inner child can be given the parental love and friendliness which he had missed in his/her childhood. Now you are regaining your inner child with a healthy inner self.

Drawings: Your inner child can be asked to draw the pictures of him/herself, his/her parents, and his/her significant others. The coloring, the details, shading, omissions, additions, etc. can be noted. They will reveal many things to the child. The child is supported to make the necessary changes in his/her personality and behavior.

Written Dialogues – Your grown up self enter into a dialogue with your inner child. You speak from your nurturing parent and allow the child to speak out his/her feelings, anxieties, and complaints. Allow the child to express him/herself freely. Write down the dialogue in a dramatic way in first person and second person style. Let the child write with his/her non dominant hand though it may be a little difficult. It is the way the child scribbles. The child gets occasion to express and regain the real feelings.

Playing with the Child – Here you allow your child to play with you and have fun. In play the real self of the child in its natural and spontaneous way comes out. Allow your child to argue with you, to scold you or blame you or even defeat you. The inner self of the child comes out and expresses itself.

Creative Activity – You can engage in certain activities with the child, in which the child is interested. It may be drawing or coloring a picture, building an outdoor hut, some garden work, or washing a car or going for an evening walk, etc. Here the child feels important in his/her contribution expresses him/herself freely and learns to cooperate and respond responsibly. Let the child realize his/her limitations and failures also. The child should gradually know and accept his/her assets and liabilities, in other word his/her abilities and limitations (Kalapura & Jose, 2011).

 Inner child therapy is psycho spiritual therapy. In inner child therapy both the formator and the formee are immediately thrown into the roles of parent-child relationship as soon as they begin to work together. The formee relieves his/her painful experiences of early childhood in this parent- child relationship and achieves affirmation, for his/her unmet needs thus experiences “healing.” And this healing helps the formee to grow in his/her religious vocation. This growth is manifested in his/her positive self image that is behavior flows from feelings and thought patterns, which in turn are deeply influenced by one’s self image. The work of therapy, therefore begins with building up a positive self image. The formee will also build up an affective community, because of his/her emotional well being, healing the past wounds, healthy integration of all emotions and achieving capacity for team work and community life.

The formee will understand the Divine aspects of the inner child. The word “divine” refers to the positive aspects of human person – the divine image within our human self. This is why Jesus tells us: “whoever welcomes a child such as this for my sake welcomes me” (Mt.18:3).  “I tell you most solemnly, unless you change and become like a little child you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” If we look from this perspective, the inner child appears to be our soul, the spirit, and is the seat of God’s presence.

Formation as Personal Growth, Conversion and Transformation of the Formees

Formation is something one or several people do to others; it is like how a potter moulds a clay pot. Formation is not merely forming oneself physically, intellectually and spiritually, it also includes growth development, conversion, seeking meaning, choosing values and direction for life. It is a process of transformation, moving towards self- transcending love and religious experience. It is a journey to God, to inner freedom, autonomy and authenticity, to universal love, transcending all barriers. It calls for courage, inner strength and confidence. Formation is always an on-going process.

Formation is a call to holiness/wholeness, becoming the person God has called us to be (Mt. 5:48). The goal of religious formation is to enable the formee to grow…. to mature manhood/womanhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (Eph 4:13; PDV nos 43-59, VC No 65). From human developmental perspective, a call to growth is an on-going process. It is a process, a continuous work, lasting a life-time.

From religious point of view, it’s a call to conversion, also an on - going process. Conversion calls for radical change. Not only behavioral modification or therapy, Conversion is a call to integrity, reality and radicality. Therefore formation is self transformation and integration.

            To conclude, formation is a process of effecting change. A growth towards the priestly/religious identity and attitudes through the process of internalizing the gospel values is the highlight of priestly/religious formation. Formator plays a major role in shaping the life of the formee, as her task is the accompaniment of the formees which includes teaching, guiding and challenging. Such a task assumes her to know the world of the young and help them to seek the path of God. The accompaniment of the formator and the healing techniques of the inner child healing will help the formee to unload the unresolved emotions thus helping them to grow as an integrated person and become future pillars of the church.

Conclusion

The time given to me this academic year by my congregation at NVSC helped me to build my insights into my vocation and commitment to the Lord in my congregation. We are familiar with the call, “unless you become like little children you will not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Mt.11:25). I chose this topic Inner child therapy in formation because I felt that if this inner child therapy was used during the time of my formation it would have been a great help for me, because now I know how important it is to befriend our inner child. The course on befriending your inner child has helped me to know my inner child. Inner child reconnects us with us with a wounded elements of ourselves; the child within. When we reconnect with this fragmented part of ourselves, we begin to discover the root of many of our fears, phobias, insecurities and sabotaging life’s pattern. And when we discover these things we experience healing. So, if we discover our inner child during our formation, it will be easy for us to avoid several emotional problems, both personality and character problems. This topic has helped me to look back on my formation period and the challenges that I faced in my formation. Also it has helped me to discover myself, who I am and where I stand.

I would like to encourage this therapy in our formation houses so that the formees befriend their inner child at early age, and they may unload their unresolved emotional baggage and grow in emotional maturity, and once they are emotionally mature they will naturally grow spiritually. And this will have fulfillment in their Religious life and in the ministry that they do, trusting God who created us in His own image and likeness.  Inner child therapy is of great help in our personal growth and in our work with others in our journey of life towards the actualization of our full humanity and authentic existence.

Reference

Books

Buchard, B. (2014). The motivation Manifesto, United States: Hay house.

Bradshaw, J. (1990). Home Coming - Reclaiming  and  Championing Your Inner Child, New York: Bantan Books.

Capacchione, L. (2012).  Recovery of Your Inner Child: The highly acclaimed method for liberating your inner self, New York/London: A Fire side Book.

Cencini, A. & Manenti, A. (1992). Psychology and Formation, Bombay: St. Paul’s Publication.

Feldman, R. E. (N.D). Essentials of understanding psychology (3^rd Ed), (N.P.): The McGraw Hill Companies Inc.

Gomes, J. (2006). Befriending Your Emotions, Bandra: Pauline Publication.

Rulla, L. M. (2004). Anthropology of Christian Vocation, Rome: Gregorian University Press.

Ryan, R. M. & Deci, E. L. (2000). Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation, Contemporary Educational Psychology. Rome: Gregorian University Press.

Serrao, C. (2004). Discernment of religious vocation (Formation towards transformation), Mysore: Dhyanavana Publications.

Articles in Journals

D’Almeida, M. E. (2015). Significance of Religious Life Today and Challenges during Formation, Asian Journal of Vocation and Formation, 40 (1), 35-51.

Giallanza, J. (2001). Forming Formators Collaboratively, Asian Journal of Vocation and Formation, 25 (1), 21-29.

Pinto, L. (2005). Inner Child Therapy for Formation for Inner Healing, Asian Journal of Vocation and Formation, 29 (2), 15-29.

Online Articles

Alphonso, A. (2017). Role of accompaniment in seminary formation. Retrieved from Jdv.edu.in/wp content/uploads.

Unknown Author. Life – span development: From Birth to Death- UK Essays. Retrieved from https//www.ukessays.com/essays/psychology/lifespan-development-from birth-to death-psychology.

Unknown Author. (2010). Priestly Formation in Indian Context: A new pedagogy Sep 23, 2010, Integral Formation of Candidates to Priesthood in India. Retrieved from www.franciscanindia.com/pdf/priestly-formation.pdf

Church Documents

John Paul II, (Nov 24, 2013). Pastores Dabo Vobis, Vatican City: Vatican Publication.